remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
