we have pet lesbian snakes
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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