Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize