I'm gonna have a badass scar
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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