She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
