You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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