That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I will be naked everywhere
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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