Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
