i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
