the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
