just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
