He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
And then the night went full on bisexual.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
