i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
