fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
