it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize