made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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