Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
