we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
