Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
