you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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