oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Let's paint friendship bongs
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
