P.S. I can't hear my feet
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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