i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
