she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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