If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Randomize
