her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
