So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize