My Higher Power is John Stamos
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
