You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize