Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
