She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
