we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
