the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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