goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
