Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize