too bad you live with your parents still
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
