I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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