is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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