Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
