Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
