White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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