there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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