D3 body, D1 cock
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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