Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
