Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
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