I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
