I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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