You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I would fuck him just for his dog
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
