I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Non-Jews are for practice
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
