JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
