I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
