Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
