i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
