my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
His nipple licking is glorious
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