I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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