after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
