I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Randomize
