After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
