Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
