His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
