i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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