Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
