I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
