I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
