Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
