Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
