I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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