if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
tell me about the fingering
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