I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
