At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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