He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Randomize
