guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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