this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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