You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
