I swear she didn't look like that last week.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
