im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
