apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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