Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
