I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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