Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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