Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
How external is "for external use only"?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
