The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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