just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
