gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
