I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
