Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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