No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Randomize
