ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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