Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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