You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
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