Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
zippers are such a cool invention
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
