im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
i think my cat just said my name.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
