Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
