the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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