i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
