i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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