Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
