I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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