Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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