omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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