I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
