garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
