Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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