we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
