I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
